When I opened this unit and saw the image of the sea, I felt relieved at first. I LOVE the sea and all things water-related. However, as I lingered a bit longer, the sea’s moodiness and tumultuous nature became more apparent. The sky looked cloud-filled, and I could hear the ocean pounding against the rocks.
And so it goes with life. Beautiful and dark in an instant. But here’s the thing. I feel grateful for the dichotomy and range of emotions and seasons. It helps me appreciate the fullness of what I feel and experience. There are moments of great joy, anxiety, and everything in between.
I’m just happy to be on this roller coaster of life instead of the alternative. Surprises are around each bend. I embrace them all. Amid some angst this week, I was immersed in pockets of laughter, joy, love, satisfaction, and gratitude, too. I’m holding those close as I navigate the more challenging parts.
Linda, reading your entry brought to mind the vision of someone floating on their back and allowing their body to sway and rise and fall with the motion of the water. The undulation of the sea is natural. It doesn’t fight itself. It sounds like you’re embracing the undulating nature of this life. Just as I’m typing, it dawns on me that it is that acceptance that calms one when in the midst of rocky waters. That being said, I’m going to end this with what I sign in my book Born of Water: May your waters be calm.
I love how you can remain open, receive what comes your way, recalibrate, and find your balance. You are curious, open, and even-tempered. You don’t resist the angst but don’t linger too long with it either.
It makes sense that you love the image of floating on your back in the water. I remember when I was a kid in Greece. Floating on my back was one of my favorite things to do. There was something about surrendering to the motion of the sea and becoming one with it. There was a deep sense of trust involved.
May you continue to remain open and curious and trust your path forward.
The dichotomy surfaces again! I feel like this year, especially this retreat, has been full of two things being true at the same time. I’m starting to think that two things are always true at the same time, but depending on our perspective at the time, we may only see one. The fact that you stay so open to seeing both and riding the rollercoaster is inspiring!
One of the things I have so very much loved about this retreat is reading how each prompt has moved all of you. Thank you all so much for your honest and vulnerable posts. Yota, thank you, for creating this sacred space. This has all been such a gift to end this year on!
The title of this prompt, What We Embrace, encompasses where I’m living. I’m embracing all that has come before in ways that I truly never could have imagined. I can’t even begin to express how profound it has been that I came to recognize what my true life’s goal has been. I’m no longer feeling cheated. I’m no longer feeling like I could never get any momentum in my life. I’m no longer feeling those pangs of resentment towards people who are living the life that I perceived I was striving towards. Recognizing that I have accomplished the goal I set out has changed my perspective on everything. In order to embrace this new place of living, internally and externally, I’m dedicating the rest of the month to fully letting it in.
Continue with “fully letting it in.” From all you’ve shared with us, it’s obvious how much you’ve invested in growing, understanding, and crafting the life you want. You are letting go while letting in- a beautiful place to be.
You’re welcome, Constance! I loved putting the prompts together and watching the retreat unfold. You have all opened up in natural and unexpected ways.
I have already told you how deeply touched I am to read that you are finally giving yourself credit for everything you have experienced and accomplished. It is not easy to embrace what you’ve been through—with all its depth, heartache, and complexity—but you are doing it. Give yourself a big, loving hug and exhale. It’s okay to exhale here and there.
So much to ponder in the prompts and everyone’s reactions! Yota, your poem is gorgeous. The letting in and the sharing of love has always been difficult for me. I’ve always felt miserly, and carrying the weight of that around. Both poems have gotten me thinking about how heavy the negative words we use to describe ourselves can be. But like Oliver’s friend says, I can decide to put down what I don’t want to carry, refuse to carry these words anymore–what could emerge without all that weight! Constance, I love how you’ve put down resentment and feeling cheated, freeing up space for your own creativity and joy. And the water! Linda and Yota, I know how much you both love it. You made me think of the feeling of weightlessness, being supported, being immersed in something vaster. It’s the opposite of being on solid ground–allowing ourselves to take the risk to leave the shore. It’s that dichotomy we live in, like you said Linda. Life is such a dance, recalibrating, chipping away, deciding what to carry, what not to carry, and how to use all this wisdom when the big storms hit.
Yes, the way we talk to ourselves matters because words have power. Even more hurtful is that when we judge ourselves, we use words others used against us when we were vulnerable and lacked the ability to block or deflect the blow.
Now, it falls to us to extend kindness and understanding to that person inside and refuse to believe the words that keep floating about in our heads. That is a good place to begin; open the windows and doors of the mind and get those heavy, negative, and untruthful words out of there.
I love the Mary Oliver poem, Heavy! I love how it surprised me. I thought as I started reading- “Oh no, I don’t want to sink into the depths of depression and then she turned it around. I think my favorite line is “So I went practicing. Have you noticed?”
I think our group – our retreat – is all about noticing. When you practice, you generally have a model. I feel like I am practicing navigating this new stage of life and you all are my role models.
Linda, I always love how you acknowledge trouble but always lean to the positive. Your smile encourages me and you also appreciate the absurdity of life and make me laugh!
Kathleen, my soul sister, your intelligence blows me away every session- not to mention your writing. What I love though is how even amidst those deep thoughts
Zelda rides in and makes me happy to know your kooky side too. We all need to be a little more kooky!
Sarah your youthful wisdom is most admirable. I love getting to be a part of remembering the chaos and pure joy children bring. When I think about the fact that you can wrestle with these big questions while working and raising two kids and loving a husband, I say to myself “Get with it , Girl!”
Ellen, every session your Found Poems touch me. It also amazes me how quickly you can create them. I taught kids to do Found poems, but we always got bogged down in the magazines and it took me forever to create my own. They just flow from you so easily. Your quiet sensitively holds more than many a more verbose reaction.
Kim, you really are the embodiment of change. When you first joined you were so angry. How you were able to forge forward and change your outlook is something I think about when I get into a self-pity mode. To see you find love again was fun to watch and also encouraging! Your willingness to share your connection with your Dad, your homes and nature all affirming.
Rosa, I don’t know you as well, but it’s so nice to know someone else who could get pure joy from cleaning up the house. Sometimes the simple and the mundane are what I need too.
Constance, you remind me that I really grew up in such a safe environment and how lucky I was to have that. When I get frustrated with my crazy younger sister, I think about how small and trivial my cares are. You maintain a smile and a good word for everyone despite the trauma. So nice to benefit from that and try to remember to pay it forward.
Yota, my ever present angel on my shoulder, encouraging me at every turn to keep trying. Your persistence and willingness to keep going at the big questions, at writing, at cooking and gardening, at meditating, at understanding our sometimes warped American culture and at creating community give me so many roads to walk down. Your honesty is refreshing and sometimes daunting but always given with care.
One of the things I have noticed as I age is you start to lose your balance more often. Sometimes there is no logical reason why! So ladies, I thank you for being there to lean on as that happens.
Thanks Kathy for such beautiful insights. And you nailed it–I’m always deeply grateful for how each of you notices–what’s happening in your lives, the world around you. You help me expand my horizons and get out of my head and tunnel vision. On Friday a friend and I were warming up dishes in the microwave for a group lunch. She leaned over the microwave and pressed 134. It seemed strange to me so I asked her how she came up with that sequence. She said, oh, I do that all the time–I pick random numbers just for fun–so this is 1 minute 34 seconds. Even with something as mundane as a microwave she had to do something creative. I most likely would never have noticed this before all the work we’ve been doing together. It was, however, a bit challenging when she asked what I wanted to pick for my quinoa dish.
Honestly, retweet Constance’s comment on this one. I love that you took the time to share what each of us bring to the table for you. It’s humbling and heartwarming. Thank you Kathy!!
I had a twang of worry about the direction of the poem too, Kathleen.
What a role model you are, too! Truly. Your post is such a thoughtful and beautiful summation of everyone in this special group. I had no idea what it would be like when I joined, and I am so glad I did. To be able to mark the months with our gatherings has been a grounding and inspiring addition to my life, a practice I cherish.
Thank you for the love and recognition you paid to all. You have always been loving and supportive, open and aware. I love time-traveling with you. The delight in your nostalgia does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. Your writing, infused with your warm and vivid memories and sense of humor, feels like a warm cup of tea by a cozy fire. I hope you continue to document your full and wonderful life.
Extraordinary, Kathy! Thank you for your insightful thoughts about each of us. I admire your ability to take all of this in and share it in such a loving, profound way. You are a treasure. I love the stories you share of now and times past.
Upon first read, this poem made me so sad. Even though the second half turns the corner, there’s something so melancholy about the tone of the whole thing. I thought about all of the heavy things I’ve been carrying for so long and the idea that I cannot put them down, which led to a feeling of hopelessness. If I can’t put them down, what do I do with them?
But the answer is right there- I embrace them. I recognize that they have helped mold me into who I am, but I don’t let them be who I am. They are part of me and loving and accepting me means loving and accepting all parts of me- even the heavy ones. Especially the heavy ones.
I also think that although I do carry these things and will always carry them, it doesn’t mean I can’t “put down” the feelings associated with them. These heavy things had a time and place in my life and at the time, or most likely sometime after, I took the time to feel. I named the emotion and I felt it and was able to put it down. So these heavy things became a little lighter since I was able to put parts of them down. And then maybe they become lighter again as I embrace them and learn to carry them a different way.
Or maybe, as these heavy things become lighter and take up less space, the love and the light creep into the spaces in between and help me hold these heavy things up.
“I went closer and I did not die”- is about stepping into the painful, the dreadful emotions; not trying to avoid them or reduce them. Only by feeling things deeply, can we know that we are capable of moving beyond them. I think everyone in this group has exemplified this in one way or another.
“How I linger to admire, admire, admire, the things of this world that are kind, and maybe also troubled” – I have been trying to bring more intention to the things I notice, and trying to notice more. Trying to slow down and take in the details I may otherwise overlook. Lingering, not rushing. Even in the times of trouble and sadness, there are things of this world that will always be kind,- flowers and trees, friends, the smell of apple pie filling a house, a soft breeze on a hot day. For these small kindnesses, I am grateful.
Constance, “The undulation of the sea is natural. It doesn’t fight itself. ” Brilliant! if we could just live by that law of nature!
Thank you all for acknowledging what each brings to the group. Ellen, I agree, these Gatherings have been an emotional safety net and a source of camaraderie and appreciation. Yay, US!
What to embrace? I so often approach each day, any challenges which arise, and even our prompts with logic — what might bring the best outcome. It always involves listing action items. Yet another list! and yet I find myself challenged and prompted by outside forces, sometimes to my dismay.
Recently I was turned onto the idea of embracing the WAY I want to live my life, and to do it in each action I take. Joy, Hope, Simplicity. If each action I take embraces one or more of those concepts, how much better would my own life be and how much deeper would my influence extend?
22 Comments
Linda Samuels
When I opened this unit and saw the image of the sea, I felt relieved at first. I LOVE the sea and all things water-related. However, as I lingered a bit longer, the sea’s moodiness and tumultuous nature became more apparent. The sky looked cloud-filled, and I could hear the ocean pounding against the rocks.
And so it goes with life. Beautiful and dark in an instant. But here’s the thing. I feel grateful for the dichotomy and range of emotions and seasons. It helps me appreciate the fullness of what I feel and experience. There are moments of great joy, anxiety, and everything in between.
I’m just happy to be on this roller coaster of life instead of the alternative. Surprises are around each bend. I embrace them all. Amid some angst this week, I was immersed in pockets of laughter, joy, love, satisfaction, and gratitude, too. I’m holding those close as I navigate the more challenging parts.
Constance Malloy
Linda, reading your entry brought to mind the vision of someone floating on their back and allowing their body to sway and rise and fall with the motion of the water. The undulation of the sea is natural. It doesn’t fight itself. It sounds like you’re embracing the undulating nature of this life. Just as I’m typing, it dawns on me that it is that acceptance that calms one when in the midst of rocky waters. That being said, I’m going to end this with what I sign in my book Born of Water: May your waters be calm.
Linda Samuels
I love that image of floating on the back and feeling the motion of the water. Thank you for that and your wish for calm waters.
Yota Schneider
Dear Linda,
I love how you can remain open, receive what comes your way, recalibrate, and find your balance. You are curious, open, and even-tempered. You don’t resist the angst but don’t linger too long with it either.
It makes sense that you love the image of floating on your back in the water. I remember when I was a kid in Greece. Floating on my back was one of my favorite things to do. There was something about surrendering to the motion of the sea and becoming one with it. There was a deep sense of trust involved.
May you continue to remain open and curious and trust your path forward.
Sarah Lipscomb
The dichotomy surfaces again! I feel like this year, especially this retreat, has been full of two things being true at the same time. I’m starting to think that two things are always true at the same time, but depending on our perspective at the time, we may only see one. The fact that you stay so open to seeing both and riding the rollercoaster is inspiring!
Ellen Hanley
“Beautiful and dark in an instant.” I don’t know if I’ve read a more perfect statement. I love your willingness to embrace it all, Linda.
Constance Malloy
One of the things I have so very much loved about this retreat is reading how each prompt has moved all of you. Thank you all so much for your honest and vulnerable posts. Yota, thank you, for creating this sacred space. This has all been such a gift to end this year on!
The title of this prompt, What We Embrace, encompasses where I’m living. I’m embracing all that has come before in ways that I truly never could have imagined. I can’t even begin to express how profound it has been that I came to recognize what my true life’s goal has been. I’m no longer feeling cheated. I’m no longer feeling like I could never get any momentum in my life. I’m no longer feeling those pangs of resentment towards people who are living the life that I perceived I was striving towards. Recognizing that I have accomplished the goal I set out has changed my perspective on everything. In order to embrace this new place of living, internally and externally, I’m dedicating the rest of the month to fully letting it in.
Linda Samuels
Continue with “fully letting it in.” From all you’ve shared with us, it’s obvious how much you’ve invested in growing, understanding, and crafting the life you want. You are letting go while letting in- a beautiful place to be.
Yota Schneider
You’re welcome, Constance! I loved putting the prompts together and watching the retreat unfold. You have all opened up in natural and unexpected ways.
I have already told you how deeply touched I am to read that you are finally giving yourself credit for everything you have experienced and accomplished. It is not easy to embrace what you’ve been through—with all its depth, heartache, and complexity—but you are doing it. Give yourself a big, loving hug and exhale. It’s okay to exhale here and there.
Kathleen Ellis
So much to ponder in the prompts and everyone’s reactions! Yota, your poem is gorgeous. The letting in and the sharing of love has always been difficult for me. I’ve always felt miserly, and carrying the weight of that around. Both poems have gotten me thinking about how heavy the negative words we use to describe ourselves can be. But like Oliver’s friend says, I can decide to put down what I don’t want to carry, refuse to carry these words anymore–what could emerge without all that weight! Constance, I love how you’ve put down resentment and feeling cheated, freeing up space for your own creativity and joy. And the water! Linda and Yota, I know how much you both love it. You made me think of the feeling of weightlessness, being supported, being immersed in something vaster. It’s the opposite of being on solid ground–allowing ourselves to take the risk to leave the shore. It’s that dichotomy we live in, like you said Linda. Life is such a dance, recalibrating, chipping away, deciding what to carry, what not to carry, and how to use all this wisdom when the big storms hit.
Constance Malloy
There is so much lightness that comes with release. Wishing you all the best in letting go and cutting away the things that no longer serve you.
Yota Schneider
Thank you for the reminder, Kathleen!
Yes, the way we talk to ourselves matters because words have power. Even more hurtful is that when we judge ourselves, we use words others used against us when we were vulnerable and lacked the ability to block or deflect the blow.
Now, it falls to us to extend kindness and understanding to that person inside and refuse to believe the words that keep floating about in our heads. That is a good place to begin; open the windows and doors of the mind and get those heavy, negative, and untruthful words out of there.
Kathleen Lauterbach
I love the Mary Oliver poem, Heavy! I love how it surprised me. I thought as I started reading- “Oh no, I don’t want to sink into the depths of depression and then she turned it around. I think my favorite line is “So I went practicing. Have you noticed?”
I think our group – our retreat – is all about noticing. When you practice, you generally have a model. I feel like I am practicing navigating this new stage of life and you all are my role models.
Linda, I always love how you acknowledge trouble but always lean to the positive. Your smile encourages me and you also appreciate the absurdity of life and make me laugh!
Kathleen, my soul sister, your intelligence blows me away every session- not to mention your writing. What I love though is how even amidst those deep thoughts
Zelda rides in and makes me happy to know your kooky side too. We all need to be a little more kooky!
Sarah your youthful wisdom is most admirable. I love getting to be a part of remembering the chaos and pure joy children bring. When I think about the fact that you can wrestle with these big questions while working and raising two kids and loving a husband, I say to myself “Get with it , Girl!”
Ellen, every session your Found Poems touch me. It also amazes me how quickly you can create them. I taught kids to do Found poems, but we always got bogged down in the magazines and it took me forever to create my own. They just flow from you so easily. Your quiet sensitively holds more than many a more verbose reaction.
Kim, you really are the embodiment of change. When you first joined you were so angry. How you were able to forge forward and change your outlook is something I think about when I get into a self-pity mode. To see you find love again was fun to watch and also encouraging! Your willingness to share your connection with your Dad, your homes and nature all affirming.
Rosa, I don’t know you as well, but it’s so nice to know someone else who could get pure joy from cleaning up the house. Sometimes the simple and the mundane are what I need too.
Constance, you remind me that I really grew up in such a safe environment and how lucky I was to have that. When I get frustrated with my crazy younger sister, I think about how small and trivial my cares are. You maintain a smile and a good word for everyone despite the trauma. So nice to benefit from that and try to remember to pay it forward.
Yota, my ever present angel on my shoulder, encouraging me at every turn to keep trying. Your persistence and willingness to keep going at the big questions, at writing, at cooking and gardening, at meditating, at understanding our sometimes warped American culture and at creating community give me so many roads to walk down. Your honesty is refreshing and sometimes daunting but always given with care.
One of the things I have noticed as I age is you start to lose your balance more often. Sometimes there is no logical reason why! So ladies, I thank you for being there to lean on as that happens.
Constance Malloy
Kathleen, I just have big love for everything you’ve written here.
Kathleen Ellis
Thanks Kathy for such beautiful insights. And you nailed it–I’m always deeply grateful for how each of you notices–what’s happening in your lives, the world around you. You help me expand my horizons and get out of my head and tunnel vision. On Friday a friend and I were warming up dishes in the microwave for a group lunch. She leaned over the microwave and pressed 134. It seemed strange to me so I asked her how she came up with that sequence. She said, oh, I do that all the time–I pick random numbers just for fun–so this is 1 minute 34 seconds. Even with something as mundane as a microwave she had to do something creative. I most likely would never have noticed this before all the work we’ve been doing together. It was, however, a bit challenging when she asked what I wanted to pick for my quinoa dish.
Sarah Lipscomb
Honestly, retweet Constance’s comment on this one. I love that you took the time to share what each of us bring to the table for you. It’s humbling and heartwarming. Thank you Kathy!!
Ellen Hanley
I had a twang of worry about the direction of the poem too, Kathleen.
What a role model you are, too! Truly. Your post is such a thoughtful and beautiful summation of everyone in this special group. I had no idea what it would be like when I joined, and I am so glad I did. To be able to mark the months with our gatherings has been a grounding and inspiring addition to my life, a practice I cherish.
Yota Schneider
What a beautiful epilogue to our retreat, Kathy!
Thank you for the love and recognition you paid to all. You have always been loving and supportive, open and aware. I love time-traveling with you. The delight in your nostalgia does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. Your writing, infused with your warm and vivid memories and sense of humor, feels like a warm cup of tea by a cozy fire. I hope you continue to document your full and wonderful life.
Linda Samuels
Extraordinary, Kathy! Thank you for your insightful thoughts about each of us. I admire your ability to take all of this in and share it in such a loving, profound way. You are a treasure. I love the stories you share of now and times past.
Sarah Lipscomb
Upon first read, this poem made me so sad. Even though the second half turns the corner, there’s something so melancholy about the tone of the whole thing. I thought about all of the heavy things I’ve been carrying for so long and the idea that I cannot put them down, which led to a feeling of hopelessness. If I can’t put them down, what do I do with them?
But the answer is right there- I embrace them. I recognize that they have helped mold me into who I am, but I don’t let them be who I am. They are part of me and loving and accepting me means loving and accepting all parts of me- even the heavy ones. Especially the heavy ones.
I also think that although I do carry these things and will always carry them, it doesn’t mean I can’t “put down” the feelings associated with them. These heavy things had a time and place in my life and at the time, or most likely sometime after, I took the time to feel. I named the emotion and I felt it and was able to put it down. So these heavy things became a little lighter since I was able to put parts of them down. And then maybe they become lighter again as I embrace them and learn to carry them a different way.
Or maybe, as these heavy things become lighter and take up less space, the love and the light creep into the spaces in between and help me hold these heavy things up.
Ellen Hanley
“I went closer and I did not die”- is about stepping into the painful, the dreadful emotions; not trying to avoid them or reduce them. Only by feeling things deeply, can we know that we are capable of moving beyond them. I think everyone in this group has exemplified this in one way or another.
“How I linger to admire, admire, admire, the things of this world that are kind, and maybe also troubled” – I have been trying to bring more intention to the things I notice, and trying to notice more. Trying to slow down and take in the details I may otherwise overlook. Lingering, not rushing. Even in the times of trouble and sadness, there are things of this world that will always be kind,- flowers and trees, friends, the smell of apple pie filling a house, a soft breeze on a hot day. For these small kindnesses, I am grateful.
Kim Cartwright
Constance, “The undulation of the sea is natural. It doesn’t fight itself. ” Brilliant! if we could just live by that law of nature!
Thank you all for acknowledging what each brings to the group. Ellen, I agree, these Gatherings have been an emotional safety net and a source of camaraderie and appreciation. Yay, US!
What to embrace? I so often approach each day, any challenges which arise, and even our prompts with logic — what might bring the best outcome. It always involves listing action items. Yet another list! and yet I find myself challenged and prompted by outside forces, sometimes to my dismay.
Recently I was turned onto the idea of embracing the WAY I want to live my life, and to do it in each action I take. Joy, Hope, Simplicity. If each action I take embraces one or more of those concepts, how much better would my own life be and how much deeper would my influence extend?