The one thread that I have held tight to throughout my life, to the point it has become a braided rope, has been my drive to bring my subconscious being into my conscious being. In order to do that, and to continue this pursuit, I have twined a relinquishing of my ego with openness to my truth (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) and integrity. Starting with this workshop last year, I began to see how this pursuit has put everything else – dancing, writing, financial success, to name a few – in the back seat. Because the cord running down the middle of the rope is my relationship to others and the world in which I move.
Relationships, having been so distorted and misaligned in my youth, have driven me to desire the cleanest, most aligned, most open and reciprocal relationships to others (human and non) that I can create. Having lost my brother, who lived and died tragically, and my both of my parents in the last three years, and cleaning out my mother’s home filled with 60 years of accumulated things, drove home (pardon the pun) the truth that the only things we leave this existence with are our relationships; our relationship to self and our relationship to others . Who am I to and for myself and others? Do I lift up or cause harm? Do I protect or exploit? Do I value the sacred in my external connections and those within myself? When I place food on the table that I have prepared for my family, do I do so with love or with a pinched sense of servitude?
While I love writing, and I gain much satisfaction from finishing a book, nothing brings more peace to my being than knowing I have created relationships that are rooted in openness, consistency (perhaps my name is not so happenstance), and honesty. All of this leading to a deeply rooted trust and confidence.
I apologize if this sounds a bit preachy, but over the course of the last 12 months, I have come to realize this is indeed the thread, not my dancing (however very much my teaching of dance), nor my writing has been the thread. They have come along with me, but I would let go of them in a heartbeat, and have repeatedly throughout my life, if it meant sacrificing the relationships (mainly, of course, my husband and daughter) that I have grown and nurtured. I have displayed within these relationships that I can be trusted that I am here for them, just as I know they are here for me.
Echoing Linda’s words here, but I feel so honored to be part of this self-discovery journey you’re on Constance. It takes so much self-awareness and dedication to really go deep within yourself to bring about the changes you want to see, both within you and the environment you’re in. Looking at where and what and who you come from and realizing that you want differently for yourself and your family is no small task and then to act in such a way that you then change those circumstances for yourself and the ones you love is another level of accomplishment. Breaking generational cycles is something to be admired!
Reading about the “braided rope” that runs through your life made me think of Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. You took everything that was handed to you—the painful, the joyful, and all the challenges you had to face—and created this braided rope that is sustaining the life you have chosen to live; the life that called out to you.
Your name is not happenstance. It suits you perfectly! Thank you for sharing your strength and creative energy with us all.
I am including this perfect poem by Mary Oliver below.
THE JOURNEY
BY MARY OLIVER
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.
I can answer a couple of your questions, Constance! You wrote, “Who am I for others?”
I look forward to seeing you at monthly meetings. You have a face that lights up the Zoom – a warm smile, an eagerness to listen to each and every one of us. A positivity that radiates in all your comments to others. You encourage me to keep digging deeper!
“Do I lift others up or cause harm?”
I would guess all of us somewhere in our lives have caused some harm. I still feel guilty about the time I told a professor she wasn’t doing a good job. My self righteousness got the better of me.
For me, you lift me up! I admire your talent. To write a book to me is the ultimate accomplishment!
I still chuckle about your willingness to perform a tap routine at a wedding. That is just too fabulous!
Your advice lifts me up and your openness is beautifully on display at each gathering.
I always get a little leary when someone new joins our gatherings but you amazingly were a perfect fit!
You’re doing good, Girl!
This is such a reflective interpretation of your thread, Constance. The reference to a braid also reminded me of Braiding Sweetgrass, one of my top 3 favorite books of forever. I have appreciated following along on your journey as well, and feel privileged that you have shared so much of it with us.
Constance- What a journey you’re on. I so admire your pursuit of knowing yourself, your desires, what’s most important, and your tenacity to overcome so much. Losing the people we love (however complicated the relationships are) is no easy thing. It puts life in perspective and also shifts your ground.
I feel so lucky to be part of your newly found circle and treasure the time we have each month- sharing, getting to know each other, laughing, supporting, emoting, and just being. Yota has created this special space, and it’s no small thing to be part of it.
I appreciate your openness, vulnerability, and discoveries.
The thread that I follow and that follows me is family. This is a complicated thread that weaves in and out of time, space, past, present, and future.
I think about the generations that came before and how, without them, I would not be here. I think about my parents and how, without them specifically, I definitely wouldn’t be here. But it’s not just about the biology and how I ended up living this life. It’s about the importance family always had, which was also passed down to me. My parents were gatherers of people and family. The home I grew up in was full of family, friends, travelers, and strangers. It was a deep value.
Through it all, my mom and dad would drop anything if the family needed them. It was never about being inconvenienced, but about being there for each other- celebrating in good times and holding each other close in during challenging ones.
Steve also came from a family that valued family and being there for each other. Both of our families had plenty of dysfunction. Truly, what family doesn’t have that? None that I know of. Again, it didn’t matter. We were always there for each other with a kind of acceptance, ‘ no matter what.’
As Steve and I created our little family, we prioritized time together, having each other’s backs, and spending time with the larger family circles. The moms (his and mine) were the family coordinators and excelled at getting the family together. Since their passing, Steve and I have taken on the role of inviting, hosting, and gathering.
With so much loss and grief, the family began shrinking. The thread was there, but some parts were frayed. Yet as time passes, the family has begun expanding. I find myself in a new phase. One of our daughters is married to our wonderful son-in-law, Matthew, and a few of our nieces and one nephew have recently married or partnered. The next generation will be coming into being, and I’m so excited to welcome the little ones who are now just a wish.
While there are many threads in my life- art, music, purple, organizing, writing, and more- the relationships are what I treasure most, and probably are the essence of my core. Family is the thickest, longest, most consistent thread. It represents being cared for and caring for others, no matter what.
This is beautiful, Linda. I feel like it goes hand-in-hand with the video you shared. The gratitude and love your family so clearly has for each other is inspiring!
You often talk about taking over the duties of the elders after your parents’ passing. You are now the gatherer and holder of memories, and you and Steve are doing a great job sharing them all with the new generation. It’s clear to anyone who has been in your presence that your love for and connection to family is your sacred foundation upon which you have grounded yourself and built your life.
It is a blessing to have had that foundation. And, despite whatever dysfunction may have been woven in the tapestry, it has only strengthened the weaving and highlighted what love and commitment to relationships can accomplish.
My friend Babs and I always tease about how the two of us are like “The Sisters” on the tv show the Waltons. Two old ladies sipping hootch in the back room – neither with husbands or children, but full of
Life and love of family.
You and I have similar stories of parents who held the fold together and have now passed the torch to us.
We talk a lot in my family about the different stages we have gone through. First we were the pack of kids causing havoc, then we all set out on careers and our family gatherings became very adult like.
When siblings got married and started having kids – 8 nephews- it became kiddie city again with all of us
Oohing and ahhing over every little movement they made. The toys were fun too! Now all 8 of those boys are adults and 3 are marrying. Looks like Kiddie city could be revived in a year or two!
I do feel a responsibility to honor that family thread. It can make you crazy at times but I always feel it is worth the effort.
Linda, I so agree with Sarah, this is the narration of the movie, and all of it “threads” together beautifully. I can sense the grounding you feel through your words. How great for your kids, the next generation, that through you, they are able to reach back into their familial past and grab ahold of the thread that has been woven throughout space and time by the many hands that have loved them before they were even born.
Linda, I enjoyed envisioning you and Steve as your family’s hosts and gatherers; it sounds like a role you revel in. But my goodness, that must be a lot of work!
My maternal extended family used to be huge “gatherers,” but when my grandfather died two years ago, that family thread ‘frayed’ and almost completely broke. It had always seemed like “family was family, no matter what,” but his passing caused some rifts and reawakened some resentments and revealed some things that in the end made the whole sense of connection and love within the family seem like a facade. All families truly do have their own dysfunction! Since then, I have placed my focus on my own immediate family, creating a separate and genuine sense of connectedness and support, re-weaving my personal family thread in adulthood. Maybe one day, Scott and I will become the hosts of our family’s hosting and gathering- time will tell.
Constance, “the truth that the only things we leave this existence with are our relationships; our relationship to self and our relationship to others . Who am I to and for myself and others? Do I lift up or cause harm? Do I protect or exploit? Do I value the sacred in my external connections and those within myself? When I place food on the table that I have prepared for my family, do I do so with love or with a pinched sense of servitude?” is filled with revelation and self monitoring. Indeed “our relationship to self and our relationship to others ” are the measurements of our worth, our happiness, our sustainability, our legacy.
These threads for me are not a linear path, rather they are a web of those relationships of my existence. Some are stronger, thicker than others. Some pick up the light, moisture, dust of my daily dealings with others, while other threads of the web are mine alone. Each season of my life is a rebuilding of my web, yet each rebuilding is cumulative of the knowledge and skills gained from my previous webs, relationships, memories, and experiences.
I love that you have seen and experienced how “Each season of your life is a rebuilding of your web, yet each rebuilding is cumulative of the knowledge and skills gained from your previous webs, relationships, memories, and experiences.”
This knowledge can carry you safely to shore, even when doubt and fear may kick in.
Kim, I love the web imagery. Immediately, I think of the center of the web as you, and how on any given day, you can travel to any part of your web you choose. Rebuilding here, enjoying your mastery there, and building anew wherever you desire.
Kim- What a beautiful way to envision the thread, not as a singular, linear object, but a “web’ of relationships. Webs can be both strong and fragile. I love your image of building a new web for “each season” of your life and incorporating what you’ve learned to make the next season better. Here’s to you and the many magnificent webs to come.
The first image “The Thread”brought up is of me sitting on my bed writing term papers in high school Starting, making a mistake and balling up the paper and starting again. No matter how old I get, how many projects I do, that need to make it better always pulls at my soul. I’ll be told over and over that it’s “good enough “but I always want to make it better. I’m not sure if it is a perfectionism complex or simply my desire to reach the image I have in my mind of the outcome. That thread is quite strong and while with age I sometimes let it fray a little, it never completely breaks.
“The Thread” recently appeared in my Jewelry box. Necklaces had been tossed in over the last year and as I went to pull one out a mass blob of intertwined chains emerged ! The fragile gold chain with one Pearl choking from the weight of the thick silver locket chain that is intertwined with the turquoise blue pendant once belonging to my mother, woven into the Celtic Knot necklace. The Pearl necklace is dear to me- sent in the mail by my fifth grade teacher for helping her when she got moved to 2nd grade. The locket holds a photo of my nephews so close to my heart. The blue pendant I wear to all special family events to have my Mom close and the Celtic knot is from Babs to symbolize our beautiful complex friendship. So “The Blob” of my jewelry needed to be unraveled. No way those pieces weren’t going to restored and so I sat for over an hour with a magnifying glass and straight pins and poked, twisted and turned the chains until all four came loose. My determination to make it right never faltered. That thread is one I hold tight even though the wisdom of age has let me know I can’t right it all.
I can do it little by little.
Another thread stares me in the face as I sit in front of the fireplace this snowy afternoon. It runs over my knee, a raised scar from my recent surgery. It certainly has altered the possibility of being a pin up model but it gives, bends and moves without pulling or hurting now. My thread of survival is quite elastic. It always takes a strong tug to convince me to stretch out into the unknown, but I always manage to get there. I don’t ever let go of that thread.
I love seeing these beautiful necklaces, neatly nestled next to each other, reminding you of how much you are loved.
And, can I say how happy it makes me to read that your “thread of survival is quite elastic, and although it may, “take you a strong tug to convince you to stretch out into the unknown, you always manage to get there, and never let go of that thread.”
As for your ever-present desire not to settle for good enough, I am sure many have benefited from this trait of yours, especially your students. So, good for you!
Yes sometimes not settling for good enough is a plus but I have also learned that it can sometimes frustrate people to the point of not wanting to be with me. I am trying to learn to better evaluate situations as too how much energy it really should require. I don’t always have to be nuts about cleaning. Never fear though my natural make it better tendency will always kick in when Otis something significant!
Determination, agency, insight, and humor. You’ve got it all, Kathy, and those qualities guide you forward.
I’ve experienced a necklace tangle or two. Sometimes my own, and sometimes for others. I remember the feeling of getting ‘untangled.’ A combination of ‘can’t stop still I’m done,’ and immense satisfaction for loosening the tangle and freeing things up.
Keep stretching and holding onto that magnificent thread.
Kathleen, I love this! I had to chuckle knowing a Celtic Knot was knotted into the blob. “My thread of survival is quite elastic.” This line belongs in a poem. I think of adaptability and sway when I read it. I believe this elasticity allows for challenge instead of defeat in difficult times; and that is how you seem to me as I’ve gotten to know you over the year. Everything is, was, and will be an adventure to you, and you seem ready for it all and to have embraced all that has been. As you, and the group knows, I had some difficult time with my mother in her last years. I have found things or situations to share with my daughter about her grandmother, whom she did know, that I qualify this way. “This represents the best parts of your grandma.” The last time we visited my mother, she gave Hannah all of her jewelry. One of my most favorite pieces of hers was a cameo necklace and earrings, of which I had forgotten about. Hannah immediately fell in love with these. Every time she wears them, she feels as though she has the best part of her grandmother with her. Jewelry is so personal and intimate, in my opinion. It holds the energy of those who wear it. I thank you for this post, because it reminded me of what I just shared.
I love that the jewelry was passed on to your daughter. I am hoping that one of my nephews breaks the Lauterbach mold and has a baby girl so I can pass some of my treasures down. It speaks volumes about your daughter that she loves some of it and wears it. My close friend sent some of her Mom’s jewelry to her niece and the niece really never even gave it a mention. My friend was heartbroken.
I really struggled with this prompt at first. I read it multiple times, read Constance’s and Linda’s responses, read it a couple more times, intentionally slept on it, and then today while driving to an appointment, I realized my thread. My belief in that I am enough.
I realized later in my life that this was my thread- the thing that I should have been holding onto before my early 20s, but didn’t know it was right there for me to reach out and grab. And even now, I have to remind myself that the thread is there and I am in fact holding it, but maybe it started to slip out of my hand just a bit.
Am I doing enough? Am I showing up in the world the way I want to be? Am I spending enough time with my kids? Am I making the “right” choices for myself and for my family?
Legitimately- hell if I know. But, do believe that I’m doing my best to show up in the best way for myself and the people in my life. That reminder I give myself, that validation, brings my attention back to the thread and I tighten my grip again. A fun dance I do with myself every so often, but the more you strengthen a muscle, the more it grows, right?
I read this after I wrote my answer to today’s prompt. Muscles and working them are in our collective consciousness at the moment. I love that you, as it sounds, rediscovered something that was there all along, just taken from your consciousness by the distraction of going about life. Well, and parenting young children, which there goes all of your attention in the best kind of way possible. Focusing on ourselves and/or focusing on others can often feel like a one or the other proposition. Relating that to a dance is quite a beautiful way of putting it. Sometimes your waltzing with a partner and other times your cutting loose on the dance floors, arms up in the air, free of the need to be led or followed. Keep dancing the dance Sarah. Something tells me your internal music goes from being gentle and joyful to wild and uninhibited. It all sounds good to me!
What a beautiful thread you are holding on. I hope you never let go of it.
Anyone who knows you can see that you are doing your best, and then some, to show up in the best way for your life and your people.
As for feeling that the thread started to slip out of your hand just a bit as of late, please remember that motherhood can have that effect on us. So, bring yourself back to center, as often as you have to, and hold on to what you know to be true … You are enough!
Hi Sarah,
It was a hard prompt and I read it and put it down several times before my threads became clear to me.
I think we all wonder if we are doing enough- being a good enough daughter, mom, wife, citizen of the world. I am a little easier on myself now and wish I had learned that gentleness sooner. You are ahead of the game by recognizing it at such a young age. Just look at your photos that you post of you and your kids and pure joy jumps off the screen. I’d say their faces are more than enough!
Sarah- I cracked up when you said you discovered that you are enough “later in life.” I understand that from your perspective, this time feels like “later,” but from my 66-year-old vantage point, you’ve got a lot of life left. I’m so impressed that you discovered this so soon and are embracing all that it means.
Many of us never arrive at feeling like we are enough, so you are seriously ahead of the curve. What a great role model you are for your family. I marvel at how you are in this world- raising your two beautiful kiddos, embracing the wonders and challenges of parenthood, and being open to your needs, heart, and experiences.
Continue dancing and exercising your muscles. You are enough, and then some.
Sarah, I had difficulty with this one too- I read it a day late and then just couldn’t think of what to say.
Your thread “I am enough” is wonderful, though, and so very important. The amount of pressure that is put on us, with all the roles as Kathy mentioned, it is difficult to always feel like we are hitting the mark, even more so with the pressure we put on ourselves! Setting reminders for yourself is a good idea,- to remember that we do not need to sweat the small stuff, that we probably are doing better than we think we are, etc. We have to speak gently to ourselves, or else we might just go crazy under all the pressures!
It took a minute to think of my thread, but I think I’ve concluded that it is nature, and my relationship with it. Nature is time unfolding; always holding change, yet unchanging. If you hold on to nature, you can’t get lost. Nature has a guide for everything, even pain and suffering. Nature runs through each of us, and is the thread that holds the larger world together. It is fragile on it’s own, when we are careless and walk right through it, but it’s strength is undeniable when we zoom in, and examine it in a relative, micro-level context.
Ellen, same on the needing a minute for this one. I love this so much though, no matter when it came to you!
“Nature runs through each of us, and is the thread that holds the larger world together.” A reminder that we are part of something so much bigger than ourselves, connecting us all. A common thread.
A beautiful thread, Ellen!
It’s hard not to feel that we belong when we go into Nature, and yes, Nature can guide us through joy, hope, as well as pain and loss.
A thread can be anything that keeps us strong and inspired. It can be a dream, a feeling, an aspiration, Nature, people, family … anything.
I am in the process of reading this book below, and after reading your comment, I thought I’d share.
35 Comments
Constance Malloy
The one thread that I have held tight to throughout my life, to the point it has become a braided rope, has been my drive to bring my subconscious being into my conscious being. In order to do that, and to continue this pursuit, I have twined a relinquishing of my ego with openness to my truth (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) and integrity. Starting with this workshop last year, I began to see how this pursuit has put everything else – dancing, writing, financial success, to name a few – in the back seat. Because the cord running down the middle of the rope is my relationship to others and the world in which I move.
Relationships, having been so distorted and misaligned in my youth, have driven me to desire the cleanest, most aligned, most open and reciprocal relationships to others (human and non) that I can create. Having lost my brother, who lived and died tragically, and my both of my parents in the last three years, and cleaning out my mother’s home filled with 60 years of accumulated things, drove home (pardon the pun) the truth that the only things we leave this existence with are our relationships; our relationship to self and our relationship to others . Who am I to and for myself and others? Do I lift up or cause harm? Do I protect or exploit? Do I value the sacred in my external connections and those within myself? When I place food on the table that I have prepared for my family, do I do so with love or with a pinched sense of servitude?
While I love writing, and I gain much satisfaction from finishing a book, nothing brings more peace to my being than knowing I have created relationships that are rooted in openness, consistency (perhaps my name is not so happenstance), and honesty. All of this leading to a deeply rooted trust and confidence.
I apologize if this sounds a bit preachy, but over the course of the last 12 months, I have come to realize this is indeed the thread, not my dancing (however very much my teaching of dance), nor my writing has been the thread. They have come along with me, but I would let go of them in a heartbeat, and have repeatedly throughout my life, if it meant sacrificing the relationships (mainly, of course, my husband and daughter) that I have grown and nurtured. I have displayed within these relationships that I can be trusted that I am here for them, just as I know they are here for me.
Sarah Lipscomb
Echoing Linda’s words here, but I feel so honored to be part of this self-discovery journey you’re on Constance. It takes so much self-awareness and dedication to really go deep within yourself to bring about the changes you want to see, both within you and the environment you’re in. Looking at where and what and who you come from and realizing that you want differently for yourself and your family is no small task and then to act in such a way that you then change those circumstances for yourself and the ones you love is another level of accomplishment. Breaking generational cycles is something to be admired!
Yota Schneider
Dear Constance,
Reading about the “braided rope” that runs through your life made me think of Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. You took everything that was handed to you—the painful, the joyful, and all the challenges you had to face—and created this braided rope that is sustaining the life you have chosen to live; the life that called out to you.
Your name is not happenstance. It suits you perfectly! Thank you for sharing your strength and creative energy with us all.
I am including this perfect poem by Mary Oliver below.
THE JOURNEY
BY MARY OLIVER
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Constance Malloy
Thank you for this beautiful poem!
Kathleen Lauterbach
I can answer a couple of your questions, Constance! You wrote, “Who am I for others?”
I look forward to seeing you at monthly meetings. You have a face that lights up the Zoom – a warm smile, an eagerness to listen to each and every one of us. A positivity that radiates in all your comments to others. You encourage me to keep digging deeper!
“Do I lift others up or cause harm?”
I would guess all of us somewhere in our lives have caused some harm. I still feel guilty about the time I told a professor she wasn’t doing a good job. My self righteousness got the better of me.
For me, you lift me up! I admire your talent. To write a book to me is the ultimate accomplishment!
I still chuckle about your willingness to perform a tap routine at a wedding. That is just too fabulous!
Your advice lifts me up and your openness is beautifully on display at each gathering.
I always get a little leary when someone new joins our gatherings but you amazingly were a perfect fit!
You’re doing good, Girl!
Ellen Hanley
This is such a reflective interpretation of your thread, Constance. The reference to a braid also reminded me of Braiding Sweetgrass, one of my top 3 favorite books of forever. I have appreciated following along on your journey as well, and feel privileged that you have shared so much of it with us.
Linda Samuels
Constance- What a journey you’re on. I so admire your pursuit of knowing yourself, your desires, what’s most important, and your tenacity to overcome so much. Losing the people we love (however complicated the relationships are) is no easy thing. It puts life in perspective and also shifts your ground.
I feel so lucky to be part of your newly found circle and treasure the time we have each month- sharing, getting to know each other, laughing, supporting, emoting, and just being. Yota has created this special space, and it’s no small thing to be part of it.
I appreciate your openness, vulnerability, and discoveries.
Linda Samuels
The thread that I follow and that follows me is family. This is a complicated thread that weaves in and out of time, space, past, present, and future.
I think about the generations that came before and how, without them, I would not be here. I think about my parents and how, without them specifically, I definitely wouldn’t be here. But it’s not just about the biology and how I ended up living this life. It’s about the importance family always had, which was also passed down to me. My parents were gatherers of people and family. The home I grew up in was full of family, friends, travelers, and strangers. It was a deep value.
Through it all, my mom and dad would drop anything if the family needed them. It was never about being inconvenienced, but about being there for each other- celebrating in good times and holding each other close in during challenging ones.
Steve also came from a family that valued family and being there for each other. Both of our families had plenty of dysfunction. Truly, what family doesn’t have that? None that I know of. Again, it didn’t matter. We were always there for each other with a kind of acceptance, ‘ no matter what.’
As Steve and I created our little family, we prioritized time together, having each other’s backs, and spending time with the larger family circles. The moms (his and mine) were the family coordinators and excelled at getting the family together. Since their passing, Steve and I have taken on the role of inviting, hosting, and gathering.
With so much loss and grief, the family began shrinking. The thread was there, but some parts were frayed. Yet as time passes, the family has begun expanding. I find myself in a new phase. One of our daughters is married to our wonderful son-in-law, Matthew, and a few of our nieces and one nephew have recently married or partnered. The next generation will be coming into being, and I’m so excited to welcome the little ones who are now just a wish.
While there are many threads in my life- art, music, purple, organizing, writing, and more- the relationships are what I treasure most, and probably are the essence of my core. Family is the thickest, longest, most consistent thread. It represents being cared for and caring for others, no matter what.
Sarah Lipscomb
This is beautiful, Linda. I feel like it goes hand-in-hand with the video you shared. The gratitude and love your family so clearly has for each other is inspiring!
Yota Schneider
Dear Linda,
You often talk about taking over the duties of the elders after your parents’ passing. You are now the gatherer and holder of memories, and you and Steve are doing a great job sharing them all with the new generation. It’s clear to anyone who has been in your presence that your love for and connection to family is your sacred foundation upon which you have grounded yourself and built your life.
It is a blessing to have had that foundation. And, despite whatever dysfunction may have been woven in the tapestry, it has only strengthened the weaving and highlighted what love and commitment to relationships can accomplish.
Kathleen Lauterbach
My friend Babs and I always tease about how the two of us are like “The Sisters” on the tv show the Waltons. Two old ladies sipping hootch in the back room – neither with husbands or children, but full of
Life and love of family.
You and I have similar stories of parents who held the fold together and have now passed the torch to us.
We talk a lot in my family about the different stages we have gone through. First we were the pack of kids causing havoc, then we all set out on careers and our family gatherings became very adult like.
When siblings got married and started having kids – 8 nephews- it became kiddie city again with all of us
Oohing and ahhing over every little movement they made. The toys were fun too! Now all 8 of those boys are adults and 3 are marrying. Looks like Kiddie city could be revived in a year or two!
I do feel a responsibility to honor that family thread. It can make you crazy at times but I always feel it is worth the effort.
Constance Malloy
Linda, I so agree with Sarah, this is the narration of the movie, and all of it “threads” together beautifully. I can sense the grounding you feel through your words. How great for your kids, the next generation, that through you, they are able to reach back into their familial past and grab ahold of the thread that has been woven throughout space and time by the many hands that have loved them before they were even born.
Ellen Hanley
Linda, I enjoyed envisioning you and Steve as your family’s hosts and gatherers; it sounds like a role you revel in. But my goodness, that must be a lot of work!
My maternal extended family used to be huge “gatherers,” but when my grandfather died two years ago, that family thread ‘frayed’ and almost completely broke. It had always seemed like “family was family, no matter what,” but his passing caused some rifts and reawakened some resentments and revealed some things that in the end made the whole sense of connection and love within the family seem like a facade. All families truly do have their own dysfunction! Since then, I have placed my focus on my own immediate family, creating a separate and genuine sense of connectedness and support, re-weaving my personal family thread in adulthood. Maybe one day, Scott and I will become the hosts of our family’s hosting and gathering- time will tell.
Kim Cartwright
Constance, “the truth that the only things we leave this existence with are our relationships; our relationship to self and our relationship to others . Who am I to and for myself and others? Do I lift up or cause harm? Do I protect or exploit? Do I value the sacred in my external connections and those within myself? When I place food on the table that I have prepared for my family, do I do so with love or with a pinched sense of servitude?” is filled with revelation and self monitoring. Indeed “our relationship to self and our relationship to others ” are the measurements of our worth, our happiness, our sustainability, our legacy.
Kim Cartwright
These threads for me are not a linear path, rather they are a web of those relationships of my existence. Some are stronger, thicker than others. Some pick up the light, moisture, dust of my daily dealings with others, while other threads of the web are mine alone. Each season of my life is a rebuilding of my web, yet each rebuilding is cumulative of the knowledge and skills gained from my previous webs, relationships, memories, and experiences.
Yota Schneider
Dear Kim,
I love that you have seen and experienced how “Each season of your life is a rebuilding of your web, yet each rebuilding is cumulative of the knowledge and skills gained from your previous webs, relationships, memories, and experiences.”
This knowledge can carry you safely to shore, even when doubt and fear may kick in.
Kathleen Lauterbach
I am picturing Charlotte’s Web and the messages she sends. You have so much of Charlotte’s wisdom. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Constance Malloy
Kim, I love the web imagery. Immediately, I think of the center of the web as you, and how on any given day, you can travel to any part of your web you choose. Rebuilding here, enjoying your mastery there, and building anew wherever you desire.
Linda Samuels
Kim- What a beautiful way to envision the thread, not as a singular, linear object, but a “web’ of relationships. Webs can be both strong and fragile. I love your image of building a new web for “each season” of your life and incorporating what you’ve learned to make the next season better. Here’s to you and the many magnificent webs to come.
Ellen Hanley
Love this reference to a web, Kim! That makes so much sense to me.
Kathleen Lauterbach
The first image “The Thread”brought up is of me sitting on my bed writing term papers in high school Starting, making a mistake and balling up the paper and starting again. No matter how old I get, how many projects I do, that need to make it better always pulls at my soul. I’ll be told over and over that it’s “good enough “but I always want to make it better. I’m not sure if it is a perfectionism complex or simply my desire to reach the image I have in my mind of the outcome. That thread is quite strong and while with age I sometimes let it fray a little, it never completely breaks.
“The Thread” recently appeared in my Jewelry box. Necklaces had been tossed in over the last year and as I went to pull one out a mass blob of intertwined chains emerged ! The fragile gold chain with one Pearl choking from the weight of the thick silver locket chain that is intertwined with the turquoise blue pendant once belonging to my mother, woven into the Celtic Knot necklace. The Pearl necklace is dear to me- sent in the mail by my fifth grade teacher for helping her when she got moved to 2nd grade. The locket holds a photo of my nephews so close to my heart. The blue pendant I wear to all special family events to have my Mom close and the Celtic knot is from Babs to symbolize our beautiful complex friendship. So “The Blob” of my jewelry needed to be unraveled. No way those pieces weren’t going to restored and so I sat for over an hour with a magnifying glass and straight pins and poked, twisted and turned the chains until all four came loose. My determination to make it right never faltered. That thread is one I hold tight even though the wisdom of age has let me know I can’t right it all.
I can do it little by little.
Another thread stares me in the face as I sit in front of the fireplace this snowy afternoon. It runs over my knee, a raised scar from my recent surgery. It certainly has altered the possibility of being a pin up model but it gives, bends and moves without pulling or hurting now. My thread of survival is quite elastic. It always takes a strong tug to convince me to stretch out into the unknown, but I always manage to get there. I don’t ever let go of that thread.
Yota Schneider
Dear Kathy,
I love seeing these beautiful necklaces, neatly nestled next to each other, reminding you of how much you are loved.
And, can I say how happy it makes me to read that your “thread of survival is quite elastic, and although it may, “take you a strong tug to convince you to stretch out into the unknown, you always manage to get there, and never let go of that thread.”
As for your ever-present desire not to settle for good enough, I am sure many have benefited from this trait of yours, especially your students. So, good for you!
Kathleen Lauterbach
Yes sometimes not settling for good enough is a plus but I have also learned that it can sometimes frustrate people to the point of not wanting to be with me. I am trying to learn to better evaluate situations as too how much energy it really should require. I don’t always have to be nuts about cleaning. Never fear though my natural make it better tendency will always kick in when Otis something significant!
Linda Samuels
Determination, agency, insight, and humor. You’ve got it all, Kathy, and those qualities guide you forward.
I’ve experienced a necklace tangle or two. Sometimes my own, and sometimes for others. I remember the feeling of getting ‘untangled.’ A combination of ‘can’t stop still I’m done,’ and immense satisfaction for loosening the tangle and freeing things up.
Keep stretching and holding onto that magnificent thread.
Constance Malloy
Kathleen, I love this! I had to chuckle knowing a Celtic Knot was knotted into the blob. “My thread of survival is quite elastic.” This line belongs in a poem. I think of adaptability and sway when I read it. I believe this elasticity allows for challenge instead of defeat in difficult times; and that is how you seem to me as I’ve gotten to know you over the year. Everything is, was, and will be an adventure to you, and you seem ready for it all and to have embraced all that has been. As you, and the group knows, I had some difficult time with my mother in her last years. I have found things or situations to share with my daughter about her grandmother, whom she did know, that I qualify this way. “This represents the best parts of your grandma.” The last time we visited my mother, she gave Hannah all of her jewelry. One of my most favorite pieces of hers was a cameo necklace and earrings, of which I had forgotten about. Hannah immediately fell in love with these. Every time she wears them, she feels as though she has the best part of her grandmother with her. Jewelry is so personal and intimate, in my opinion. It holds the energy of those who wear it. I thank you for this post, because it reminded me of what I just shared.
Kathleen Lauterbach
I love that the jewelry was passed on to your daughter. I am hoping that one of my nephews breaks the Lauterbach mold and has a baby girl so I can pass some of my treasures down. It speaks volumes about your daughter that she loves some of it and wears it. My close friend sent some of her Mom’s jewelry to her niece and the niece really never even gave it a mention. My friend was heartbroken.
Sarah Lipscomb
I really struggled with this prompt at first. I read it multiple times, read Constance’s and Linda’s responses, read it a couple more times, intentionally slept on it, and then today while driving to an appointment, I realized my thread. My belief in that I am enough.
I realized later in my life that this was my thread- the thing that I should have been holding onto before my early 20s, but didn’t know it was right there for me to reach out and grab. And even now, I have to remind myself that the thread is there and I am in fact holding it, but maybe it started to slip out of my hand just a bit.
Am I doing enough? Am I showing up in the world the way I want to be? Am I spending enough time with my kids? Am I making the “right” choices for myself and for my family?
Legitimately- hell if I know. But, do believe that I’m doing my best to show up in the best way for myself and the people in my life. That reminder I give myself, that validation, brings my attention back to the thread and I tighten my grip again. A fun dance I do with myself every so often, but the more you strengthen a muscle, the more it grows, right?
Constance Malloy
Sarah,
I read this after I wrote my answer to today’s prompt. Muscles and working them are in our collective consciousness at the moment. I love that you, as it sounds, rediscovered something that was there all along, just taken from your consciousness by the distraction of going about life. Well, and parenting young children, which there goes all of your attention in the best kind of way possible. Focusing on ourselves and/or focusing on others can often feel like a one or the other proposition. Relating that to a dance is quite a beautiful way of putting it. Sometimes your waltzing with a partner and other times your cutting loose on the dance floors, arms up in the air, free of the need to be led or followed. Keep dancing the dance Sarah. Something tells me your internal music goes from being gentle and joyful to wild and uninhibited. It all sounds good to me!
Yota Schneider
Dear Sarah,
What a beautiful thread you are holding on. I hope you never let go of it.
Anyone who knows you can see that you are doing your best, and then some, to show up in the best way for your life and your people.
As for feeling that the thread started to slip out of your hand just a bit as of late, please remember that motherhood can have that effect on us. So, bring yourself back to center, as often as you have to, and hold on to what you know to be true … You are enough!
Kathleen Lauterbach
Hi Sarah,
It was a hard prompt and I read it and put it down several times before my threads became clear to me.
I think we all wonder if we are doing enough- being a good enough daughter, mom, wife, citizen of the world. I am a little easier on myself now and wish I had learned that gentleness sooner. You are ahead of the game by recognizing it at such a young age. Just look at your photos that you post of you and your kids and pure joy jumps off the screen. I’d say their faces are more than enough!
Linda Samuels
Sarah- I cracked up when you said you discovered that you are enough “later in life.” I understand that from your perspective, this time feels like “later,” but from my 66-year-old vantage point, you’ve got a lot of life left. I’m so impressed that you discovered this so soon and are embracing all that it means.
Many of us never arrive at feeling like we are enough, so you are seriously ahead of the curve. What a great role model you are for your family. I marvel at how you are in this world- raising your two beautiful kiddos, embracing the wonders and challenges of parenthood, and being open to your needs, heart, and experiences.
Continue dancing and exercising your muscles. You are enough, and then some.
Ellen Hanley
Sarah, I had difficulty with this one too- I read it a day late and then just couldn’t think of what to say.
Your thread “I am enough” is wonderful, though, and so very important. The amount of pressure that is put on us, with all the roles as Kathy mentioned, it is difficult to always feel like we are hitting the mark, even more so with the pressure we put on ourselves! Setting reminders for yourself is a good idea,- to remember that we do not need to sweat the small stuff, that we probably are doing better than we think we are, etc. We have to speak gently to ourselves, or else we might just go crazy under all the pressures!
Ellen Hanley
It took a minute to think of my thread, but I think I’ve concluded that it is nature, and my relationship with it. Nature is time unfolding; always holding change, yet unchanging. If you hold on to nature, you can’t get lost. Nature has a guide for everything, even pain and suffering. Nature runs through each of us, and is the thread that holds the larger world together. It is fragile on it’s own, when we are careless and walk right through it, but it’s strength is undeniable when we zoom in, and examine it in a relative, micro-level context.
Sarah Lipscomb
Ellen, same on the needing a minute for this one. I love this so much though, no matter when it came to you!
“Nature runs through each of us, and is the thread that holds the larger world together.” A reminder that we are part of something so much bigger than ourselves, connecting us all. A common thread.
Yota Schneider
A beautiful thread, Ellen!
It’s hard not to feel that we belong when we go into Nature, and yes, Nature can guide us through joy, hope, as well as pain and loss.
A thread can be anything that keeps us strong and inspired. It can be a dream, a feeling, an aspiration, Nature, people, family … anything.
I am in the process of reading this book below, and after reading your comment, I thought I’d share.